WHO AM I?
I remember what life used to be for me. It hit me particularly hard in January, 1984. I hated myself and I hated my life. Like everyone else, I wanted happiness. I wanted true friendships, not ones that had an agenda. I wanted a better place to live. I hated being controlled by endless poverty. I felt smothered and trapped by my life, with no way out. No matter how hard I worked, I was stuck in the same place, physically and emotionally.
I felt such despair and hopelessness. I was not sure of what I wanted or what would bring me happiness. I cried silently, “Help me, God.” I wished to be off the planet. I was an emotional mess, and all this after twenty-two years in fundamental religion. So much for peace and love. I was fed up with it all.
As an adult, and especially as a child, everything seemed to run on auto-pilot. I never gave a thought to who I was or why I was here. It is now a new time. Remembering how it used to be has made me realize how far I have come.
Back in 1984 I had no awareness of having a choice or of having the power to change things. I was only dimly conscious that I walked in fear and depended on forces outside of me to fix me.
My husband became my rock, the one who took care of everything and made all the decisions.
I read every spiritual book I could find after trying out religion and discovering that it actually waylaid me from my search for Me. God knows, I desperately needed a mind adjustment because nothing seemed to be working. Only in these past few years have I begun to see things differently.
In 1988 I turned to a new thought system called A Course In Miracles. It led me to a fundamental question: Who am I really? Why I had never considered this before is strange to me now that I know better.
I ask Spirit this question: Who am I really?
You are not a label that you believe defines who you are. You are not a body that you can feel and touch. You are a Spiritual Being having a physical experience.
I know you don't see it yet and you may laugh at this, but you are already perfect. You are already all you need. Perfection is you. It is a part of who you are. You are a divine being. You are My child, who is perfect as I have made you.
You're right. (Of course you're right!) But I do laugh when I think about this. Me? Perfect?! You've got to be kidding!
You are a part of Me and I am a part of you. We are ONE. You are never separate from Me.
This is where it starts -- you getting acquainted with who you are and who you are not.
Integrity comes from the heart of you, the place where you are not afraid anymore, and where you do not have to pretend anymore, or try to please anyone but Yourself.
Your perfection is unfolding like a rose in the sunlight.
You are discovering you are not better than another, nor are you less than another. You are discovering your Oneness with everything and everyone. There are no special people, just unconscious and conscious people.
You are like a many-layered onion, with your perfect core already in place waiting for you to discover it, a treasure more precious than gold. Peeling the onion is the process of life, and it is an ongoing process.
It is impossible to understand your value or the value of your brother. You and your neighbours are greater than anything you can imagine because you have no measuring stick in your reality to understand your greatness. Suffice it to say, you are more than you can ever imagine and when you truly get this fact, life will never be the same for you. You are co-creator with Me. You can be, have, and do anything your heart desires.
I give you a free gift, the gift of choice. When you watch your thoughts, and choose thoughts of love rather than ego-based fear, you will bring to yourself a heavenly bliss.
You are learning to walk from your heart. You may falter, you may stumble, and you will cry out sometimes, thinking you are alone. Trust Me, you are never alone. Your Patters will remind you again and again of who you are. The authentic You is perfect.
How will I change by going into my heart? I don't understand how to do that. What does it mean to go into one's own heart? It's so esoteric, so much a part of the invisible realm. I'm having a hard time trying to grasp it.
It is not something you try. Being authentic is simply allowing what is already in you to come through. Allowing happens by trusting in the unfolding. Be patient with yourself. Remember you are a beautiful, perfect rose. I Am the nourishment you need to grow.
A flower does not grunt to unfold, nor do trees try to forcefully grow leaves. They allow growth naturally, without any fanfare.
Sometimes you may get in your own way by thoughts that you are something other than perfect love. You do not need fixing. You do not need someone to save you, except from your illusions about who you think you are.
Acknowledging who you really are is all it takes. A perfect child of God.
There is a cost to awakening: you must take responsibility for everything in your life. Nothing is happening by accident. It is all happening as a result of choices, as a result of what you believe about yourself. It hinges on your thoughts. However, all is happening according to My plan and for a reason. No one is where he is by accident. Chance plays no part in your life.
Accept a new way of thinking about yourself. Love is what you are.
If you choose to think differently about yourself, you will change. It is not something you have to do. It is simply something you choose to believe. Love awaits you. It may feel as if it will take a span of time to really get this truth but, rest assured, you are getting it. Trust Me, you are awakening.
Being willing to see a better way is the first step to authenticity. Being your authentic self is knowing who you really are, a perfect child of Mine, and walking in this knowledge moment by moment brings you perfect peace and all that you will ever need.
Thank you, Spirit. I will try. I mean I will allow You to show me the way to the real me. I intend to see with new eyes, with the eyes of Spirit, with the eyes of love from my heart. I am beginning to understand.
Believing in who you really are is the beginning of a peaceful, harmonious life in this your heaven you call the world.
So be it, and so it is.