Tainted Love
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Tainted Love
Why Your Ex is Making You Miserable and What You Can Do About It
Published:
6/20/2012
Format:
Perfect Bound Softcover
Pages:
142
Size:
5.5x8.5
ISBN:
978-1-45255-262-0
Print Type:
B/W

Accomplished psychotherapist and coach, Dr. Julie Gowthorpe, RSW, provides parents with a guide to conquer the emotionally charged experience of parenting after divorce.

Many parents wonder, “Why is my ex intent on making my life miserable?” Dr. Julie answers this question, using conversational style and easy-to-grasp concepts. She will inspire, motivate, and arm you with the knowledge to better understand your relationship with your ex. She will help you build upon your personal resources to empower you to be a better, happier parent after divorce.

For parents who desire happiness and time to focus on their child, Dr. Julie reveals four key steps to redefining and taking control of your life after divorce. As you incorporate her easy to- implement changes in your life, you can embrace life as a divorced parent. With these strategies of personal empowerment comes a life of happiness, contentment and, opportunity after divorce.

The presumably once loving relationship you shared with your ex has deteriorated. Maybe one of you wishes the relationship had improved, that you would still be a couple parenting your child together. Feelings are very complicated in relationships between ex’s because of the underlying lack of trust, hurt, anger and, for some, a desire to keep the relationship going even when it is toxic. If you didn’t share a child, you could walk away – even run away! Because the parenting relationship continues, the negative feelings that you are experiencing need to improve. For those of you who have overindulged the night before and awakened to a hangover, you know that eventually the symptoms of consuming too much alcohol will subside. You know that the pounding headache will go away, the nausea will improve, and you will get on with your morning … or afternoon. The hangover will resolve itself and you will be okay again. Rationally, you know that the symptoms you are experiencing are simply the consequence of drinking too much – a logical outcome for your choices. Too much alcohol = dehydration/nausea = a hangover. Simple, right? Problem is, you woke up this morning with a headache, body aches, and even some nausea. Your symptoms have nothing to do with drinking too much, eating too much, or overdoing anything. In fact, you are doing your best to be the healthiest you can be. You may be eating right, exercising, and following a regular routine. So, why are you feeling so terrible? You’ve separated, maybe even finalized your divorce, from your ex. You thought things would be better. After all, you’re doing your best not to interfere in her new life. You may be doing your best to not question how he spends time with the kids. You may actually like residing separately from your ex – no more worries about tension at home. Work is going well and you’ve been socializing with friends. You’ve empowered yourself with the ten best divorce tunes you could find for your daily runs on the treadmill. Regrettably, despite all “the betters”, the impact of not getting along with your ex is wearing on you. Day after day, you still aren’t getting along with him. She still can’t stand to be around you. You know this conflict isn’t good for you or your kids, yet there seems to be no solution. That’s what you’re feeling: no solution. That’s what you wake up to: no solution. Problems parenting with your ex = headache/nausea = divorce hangover. Simple, right? Your headache – or how badly you are feeling – is symptomatic of parenting with someone you don’t get along with. You’ve been arguing – or as the lawyers call it, in dispute – since you ended your couple relationship, and it does not seem to get better. You were not naive. You knew that divorce has consequences – particularly for parents. That was no surprise. You knew that the symptoms of a relationship breakup could include hard feelings, financial strain, and difficult conversations. You assumed that things would be rough for a while and then get better. You may be surprised by the depth of the difficulty you are experiencing and are struggling with the lack of improvement. It’s like experiencing a hangover without hope – that is, a divorce hangover. You’ve tried to be hopeful. You’ve sought help, talked to your lawyer (many times according to your itemized legal costs), and met with a therapist. Still, you don’t feel well. In fact, at times you feel absolutely terrible. Despite the passing of time, part of you simply wants your family back, not because you truly wish to reunite with your former spouse, but because parenting apart is really not working for you. It’s worse than you could ever have anticipated – you can’t get along with your former spouse under these circumstances no matter how hard you seem to try. It’s not like you can wave a wand and make this better. Unlike the headache that was effectively treated with Advil or fluids, the discomfort that accompanied separation from your spouse is not going away. It’s time to try something new. There is a remedy for what you are experiencing, and it starts with you. Starting from the inside – rather than looking out – is not an easy task. Welcome to the little workbook, with a strong right hook. Follow this process and you’ll come back better and happier than you are today … despite your ex. When we start from the inside, we have the power to change the situation. No longer will we hand our happiness over to someone who seeks to make us unhappy.

Dr. Julie Gowthorpe, RSW, a practicing psychotherapist, changes lives through personal empowerment. An expert in separation and divorce, she supports clients in developing “thinking and doing” strategies to build self-esteem, confidence in decision-making, and happier lives. She is the cocreater of Navigate Divorce System. She resides in Belleville, Ontario with her husband, two children, and dog.

 
 


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