There's a story about a man of great faith who was waiting on his roof for God to come and rescue him from the floods. He sent away the rescuers in the rowboat saying, "God will save me". He sent away the helicopter saying, "God will save me." Finally the flood waters overpowered him and he awoke in Heaven, sitting in front of God. "I don't get it, God," the man said. "I had great faith that you would save me and look where I ended up!" God answered, "I don't get it either. I sent you a rowboat and a helicopter..." Somehow I feel I'm relating to that man a little too much.
I don't know why I feel like I'm merely treading water these days, just biding my time until I can start to do what I'm REALLY supposed to be doing in this life. All this reconnection with my past of late has left me with the attitude of "well, sure I made a difference back then, but what am I doing now?" I can picture the conversation right now with God: I've arrived at the Pearly Gates and am feeling so sad that I didn't accomplish my mission. "What about your children?" he’ll ask.
"Oh, yes, well, I did the best I could. Look what they've been able to do for themselves!"
"Well, what about your work? The people you helped launch and grow their businesses? The ones who re-examined their lives because of your workshops and writings?"
"I'm truly grateful for that. But I never got to really be of service!"
"And what about the Sunday School teaching, the tutoring, the PTAs, the committee work, the boards, the car-pooling? What about the times you were there for a friend? What was all that?"
"Yes, yes, yes. But it wasn't ENOUGH!"
At that point I picture God throwing up his hands, shaking his head and walking away muttering under his breath.
OK, maybe I'm just where I'm supposed to be. At least for today.