A true story of growing up in one of the toughest neighborhoods of Queens, New York. Astoria where the people worked long hard hours six days or sometimes six and a half days at very little pay and no benefits. Where drinking was done on a regular basis and the bars were filled every weekend. Domestic violence ran rampant in those days and was never to be considered a crime, my role model were usually men who smoked, drank and got into fights since that is what I was used to being around not to mention the influence of money and the easy way to obtain it which certain people knew how to do. A place where you learned take care of yourself and become hard or the streets would chew you up and spit you out like you were a piece of bad meat
WE MAKE CHOICES EVERYDAY OF OUR LIVES, AND IN EVERY ONE OF THOSE CHOICES THEY AFFECT THE PEOPLE WE LOVE AND THOSE WHO LOVE US. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU SAID OR HEARD SOME ONE ELSE SAY, I CAN’T?
WHEN I WAS IN JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL MY GRANDFATHER TOLD ME, “CAN’T IS JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR WON’T,” I’M NOT REFRERING TO THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN STRICKEN WITH A SICKNESS OR SOME OTHER UNFORNTUNATE INCIDENT THAT PREVENTS THEM FROM DOING CERTAIN THINGS. I’M SIMPLY SAYING THAT YOU CANNOT LET THAT WORD RULE YOUR LIFE. DON’T LET ANYONE OR ANYTHING TAKE YOU DOWN. I NEEDED TO TAKE RESPONSEABILITY AND ACCOUNTABILITY FOR MY CHOICES AND DECISIONS, BUT I REFUSED TO DO THAT BECAUSE I DID NOT HAVE CONTROL OF MY LIFE. I ALLOWED THAT WORD CAN’T, TO BE MY CHOICE; AS A RESULT I HAD TO LEARN THE HARDWAY. WHEN I WAS A YOUNGSTER, WE HAD NO COUNSELING AS WE HAVE TODAY. IN FACT THE MOTTO BACK IN MY DAY WAS: CHILDERN SHOULD BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD. HOW TRUE THAT WAS, A CHILD HAD NO SAY AND NO RIGHT TO AN OPINION, THOUGTS OR FEELINGS. I ENDED UP CREATING A HELL FOR MYSELF AND FOR THOSE I LOVED. FINDING THE ENTRANCE TO IT WAS EASY WITH THE HELP OF PEOPLE WHO SAID THEY WERE MY FRIENDS. I WAS IN A WORLD OF ILLUSION AND DISILLUSION, TORTURE AND AGONY FOR MANY YEARS.
I DESPERATELY TRIED TO REACH OUT TO BE UNDERSTOOD, ACCEPTED AND VALIDATED BY OTHERS, BUT BECAUSE OF THAT DESPRERATION IT CLOUDED MY THINKING AND JUDGEMENT, AND I WOUND UP GRABBING ON TO INDIVIDUALS WHO I THOUGHT WOULD ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I WAS.
I AM WRITING THIS BOOK TO YOU, THE READERS, IN HOPES THAT SOMEHOW, A WORD OR A SENTENCE CONTAINED IN IT WILL HELP YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW FIND THEIR EXIT FROM HELL AND THE ENTRANCE TO HIGH WATERS.
William Thomas a boy who just wanted to be accepted for who he was and to feel like he was equal to his siblings. William ‘s school work wasn’t always the best but he did try hard it still wasn’t good enough.